Don’t remember any dreams. Annoying! Can’t sleep at the moment. Not sleeping well. Groggy! Very groggy, kettle is boiling in the other room, tea as always a very exciting prospect. Hmm. Radio 3 is on, the Northern guy is talking about how he is going to teach us about how the senses developed. There is lots of ink coming out of this pen today. Cool. Not sure what they are saying on the radio really, it’s quite quiet, but I keep getting distracted and catching bits, something about the Sunday Times. Makes sense. It is Sunday.
Had fun yesterday. Lunch was actually [word describing fun – handwriting completely illegible!]. Food was so good and apart from the creamy, sugary calorie fest that is an Eton Mess, I think I went for reasonably healthy choices. Why is white fish so damn expensive? I wish it wasn’t. I’d eat it every day if I could afford it. I’m going to change my jumper as this one is too baggy although I do love it and it kind of makes my shoulders look good because of the way it sits. I didn’t feel at all awkward yesterday which was a relief because I was genuinely worried that I would which is weird when you’re going to lunch with people who you have developed relationships with over a seven year period. I felt that perhaps an effort was made being some to be extra nice to me, but that’s hardly anything to complain about, I noticed it and appreciated it. Also felt slightly paranoid that our behaviour towards each other was being watched and analysed, but I can believe that’s my paranoia talking. Grey grey grey. Grey. Cold. Grey. I like blue skies. Don’t mind fresh bracing cold, might be my favourite kind of weather although I do love lazy summer days when you can wear light clothes and not worry about it and while away an evening or two with your friends and loved ones. Good feeling. The Doors. Soul Kitchen. Earls Court. That single room in Earls Court. So tidy. I kept it so tidy! Everything was so organised there, colour coded clothes and everything smelled good and I used to love dancing in front of the sink in the corner of the room. Not sure why. Maybe the position of the speakers meant that the music sounded best there. Maybe I just enjoyed the space in that corner. Maybe. I don’t know, really. I keep thinking about that poem. It makes me sad and happy all at once. It is enough to dwell on the past and allow those good feelings to carry you through difficult times? Should it even be necessary to go back to those times to keep you positive and hopeful? I suppose it is, no one can expect to have such a wondrous time at all times that they never need to look back and remember the good things but isn’t that something you do when something is over? Who knows. Clarinet on the radio. I love the Clarinet. It sounds cheeky. It’s a very energetic instrument, it’s very expressive, never boring. I like the sound, very distinctive although it’s not necessarily my favourite sound. The flute well played is my favourite sounding woodwind instrument by quite a way, if only I could play it properly! I do have a Buffet, finally, even if the bottom is missing and needs tuning, so I’m well on my way. I can get back into it and become the Flautist I always wanted to be, why did I ever stop? I’m well on my way, anyway.
The door has been left open and I can hear conversation. I wonder if it was left open subconsciously deliberately. That doesn’t make sense. I am paranoid. Going to get tea. Not before getting upset because the news I can hear is talking about gun laws in the US which makes me think of lots of people getting killed for no good reason and it’s really makes me sad to think about it. It’s rubbish.