Weds Feb 20th 2013

7.23 a.m.

The song they always used to play in LA is on the radio. I have been researching courses to do that will keep the instrument warm and I can’t work out whether this is really stupid or really clever, but I went and looked at the Actors’ Studio in NY. Imagine, a member of the Actors’ Studio! Haha. The idea brings a ridiculous smile to my face – make me well up some crazy excitement. Next step, residence in NYC. Good luck! Also checked out the NYFA, I could do a course in Paris which would also be incredible. Quite selfishly, I’d like to win the lottery so I can just find this stuff without burden so I can shamelessly indulge myself in what I would love to do. Billy has been reading Twelfth Night with me, one Act a night, and it’s mad how happy it makes me – it keeps the energy alive and it’s almost hilarious how excited I get when we just play a scene in the kitchen and I immediately invest in it. Perhaps this period of down time is actually quite good – I’m taking the time to pursue other lifestyle choices, the flexibility to schedule around any acting stuff and will help to me to earn money away from a desk and computer – yeah! It’s satisfying blogging too, writing makes me so happy, and I can also share all the stuff in my head which feels good, somehow. Maybe because it gives me the space to say stuff and no one is obliged to read it which means if it does get read, it’s cool. It’s also kind when anyone takes the time to “like” a post, I don’t really understand how WordPress community works properly yet, should add it to the to – do list for sure. Dreamt about a home full of flat mates, very international – myself, a guy from drama school, a Japanese guy (very chatty and friendly), and a Russian guy who used to work at the firm I was at for a couple of years  who never used to say ANYTHING and had the most insanely nicotine stained teeth from smoking so much. Anyway, I was chatting to a girl from drama school, she was in some strange awkward text conversation with someone who was going to write and film her showreel. She basically was complaining that this woman was being difficult about meeting up. I asked who this person was, she was defensive, as though she didn’t want me to know who it was, in case I attended. For a split second in the dream I wondered if it was Harry, for some reason, but it wasn’t, and then someone said something about how if you’re going to abandon a project now’s the time to do it and everyone laughed hysterically except for me because I thought it was an awful notion, giving up is an awful notion. I found one ally in the room, which was like the doctors’ surgery we used to go to as kids, but more brightly decorated. Quite full. I was sitting on the floor with my legs outstretched, quite a young pose, I suppose. I needed to pee, so I went to the flat and found that neither of the doors to either bathroom worked – one, the door didn’t shut properly, like at one of my friends’ places. The other, the door practically came back and somehow the back of the door had been moved to prop the door and use it as a structure. Then the Japanese guy came out to help, by this point I had deconstructed the entire bathroom and was laughed at. Then we went outside, the Russian guy said hi, asked how I’ve been and said he was shocked that I haven’t written any plays yet, but that’s there’s still time. Then I woke up. At some point, my sister was in my dream too, her best friend was in the living room. I said hi to both, cold reception. Some function being attended. No further details though. Anyway, time for tea!

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