Weds Feb 27th 2013

7.10 a.m.

The way that young lovers do – I have it in my head this morning. Actually if I was writing it correctly, it’d go “the waaaa-a-a-aay that you-uu-hu-hu-huuung lovers doooo” but perhaps that’s weird looking and it’s one of those songs that you need to hear. I’m in the front room, Billy is ill so I’m not sure whether he’s going to make it to work today. He was really unwell last night. Felt awful for him. Shit. Forgot to call my Mum last night. I’ll do that today. It’s recovery day. I will do lots of stretching today rather than hardcore intense stuff, definitely a good idea to do something, I think. Pleased with progress yesterday. Although nothing happened, particularly, I updated profiles and started on worksheets and that’s all good stuff. Today will be equally productive. Productive. Productive is one of those weird words that conjures up different feelings for me depending on the day – sometimes I think it’s a positive word, full of good go – getter energy, but on others, I think it’s a word like “should” and just piles pressure on and somehow takes the fun out of things. What you spend your time doing is really what your life is, the key is to enjoy what you’re doing as it’ll make you feel that your life is so full of fun and that you’re in charge and stuff. My hand is tired. I don’t feel like I can really be bothered to write as much today but that is most likely a response to what might actually end up on the page. Financial management is on my mind. My throat is still really dry, yuk, and I have a bit of a headache and a bit of the sniffles so I’m hoping that this is the full extent of it and it’s not going to get any worse. The dustbin guys are out, I can hear glass clinking away outside. Was pleasantly surprised to see it seemed to be light outside from about 6 30 onwards, yeah! I love longer days, they are great. Spring clean. Keen to this. Prioritise. Priorities. For the first time ever played with the settings of my phone last night and customised the whole front screen. Does this mean I literally have nothing better to do? Actually to be fair to myself, I felt like I needed to something that was a bit empty but still fun to wind down because my brain wasn’t stopping at all last night. Listened to a Radio 3 programme about insomnia and creativity – apparently everyone knows (except me, of course) that Charles Dickens was a major insomniac and the described how he would write massive chunks of classic literature in the dead of night. 3am. Why 3am, my brother asked the other day. Any significance? I tend to think of it as The Witching Hour, from The BFG, its’ the time of night when everyone in the world is asleep except you and things come out to play, dreams are given, giants take their children. The funny thing is, at the time I’m in bed lying awake, I don’t tend to stress about the fact that I’m awake. It seems silly too, because that’s where I am and eventually, even if it’s 6am, I know I’ll drop off eventually. My brain thinks about stuff, sometimes stuff that I don’t want to think about, at all, but I suppose if you spend your waking life trying to control what you’re thinking about all the time your mind is going to force you to confront the things you don’t want to deal with eventually.

Man my head is hurting this morning. I spent a lot of the night lying on my left arm so perhaps it’s still waking up. A couple of my friends (who are a couple) have just drifted into my head. I wonder how they are? I should message my very good friend today, I haven’t been in touch with him for ages. Stuck. Nothing seems to be coming out on the page today. Another friend who is having some problems at the moment has just drifted into my head. I hope he’s okay. I worry about him. The best thing about him, for me, is that despite having the capacity to be a bit of a douchebag, he came CLEAN and told me the TRUTH about something that he was feeling guilty about and I didn’t have to coax, or drag it out of him, he called me, out of the blue, and it was only his conscience that guided him to do that because there was no relationship to make him feel obliged at that point. I really appreciate that because a lot of people seem to lie and never tell the truth unless they are presented with the real threat of exposure. He’s not like that though. And I respect that, even if he’s a moody git sometimes. Showcase audition prep will be fun, will be good to work on a piece and audition, even if we don’t get selected. Lots of work but it’ll be so much fun and totally worth and it and fun fun fun! She never did like Mama’s home made dress Papa’s banquet wasn’t big enough…..Tangled Up In Blue. Blood On The Tracks… Oh man, love it. Such beauty. Such pain. Why is that? This is all going to get very emotional if I’m not careful, I’ll get onto Simple Twist Of Fate and cry, and it’s far too early in the morning for that kind of thing. It is definitely time for tea. Yeah.

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