Friday March 1st 2013

6.53 a.m.

Alarm woke me up. Dreams in my head, fragments. The Hammersmith & City Line. I was in Hammersmith, not sure why, had a backpack and a Tesco carrier bag and got the train back to where I was going but when I got there, there was some kind of emergency and I had to go straight back to Hammersmith on the Hammersmith & City Line again. Characters in the carriage – Will Smith was one of them, being loud and melodramatic about what was happening. A woman next to me, blonde, sharp, being very sarcastic to her partner who was sat opposite her and seemed to be trying to be nice and have a conversation with her. Further down the carriage I observe other people but I can’t remember much about them. Although it’s the H&C Line, which I know looks quite new these days but inside this train looked old and in need of repair, like the NY subway or the Rome Metro. It’s dark with that horrible lighting that makes everything look really unreal (and not in a good way). On the train journey there is some kind of event, not sure what, and we have to take an alternative route to Hammersmith station, which is dangerous. I see, somehow I now have a view from the drivers’ seat on the train, a small jump that the train has to make and a roof that it has to pass over – no tracks on there. The roof is grey, industrial looking. The train makes it, everyone exclaims but we make it. Then, a bizarre aerial view of the train as it goes back onto the tracks and I see, as though from an aerial camera, the train pulling into Hammersmith station. The station is quite like it is in reality, like a shopping centre. I realise that I have left my Tesco carrier bag on the train and bemoan this to a couple of people I know who are walking past. They reckon that if I ask one of the advisors I’ll be able to get it back as the train is just sitting there. I see an attendant who was in the train car with us, he looks a bit like McKenzie Crook from The Office but perhaps a bit more friendly looking and with grey hair. I ask him, he asks which train I was on. I explain that I was just on the train that arrived and he smiles, nods and walks off. I assume he’s gone to get the bag but after a few minutes I become paranoid that I don’t know if that’s what he’s doing and perhaps I should go along to the train myself. Chopin is currently on the radio, beautiful. Anyway I decide to wait for the guy and see what he does. In another part of a dream, or maybe the same, I’m standing under an escalator and there was another escalator in the H&C Line, dream people walking past, people appear from the escalator, and attendants were also standing next to escalators but the rest of it, come to think of it, was a bit like the Duty Free bit of an airport. So the next fragment I have is a new radio player and The Beatles, discovering a recording I haven’t heard, and messing around with the equaliser settings to get the maximum possible out of it. This was a fun part of the dream. I also dreamt about my showreel, presumably because I’m so nervous about it, and don’t really have the guts to watch it but have to because I need to feed back any changes that I want made and stuff. Terrifying. Anyway in the dream, I’m in bed, knackered, just waking up, in my usual t-shirt & shorts combo and I yawn awake and decide to finally watch the reel. Interestingly the room is not a room I would want to live in, loads of stuff piled up everywhere – not lived in, pure clutter, red-dish carpet, a chest, way too much furniture – like a spare room with a bed stuffed in it. Also, there are 2 other people asleep in another bed in the room. I know this is a dream because the real me would not have the complete lack of concern required to do this, but I decide to man up and watch the reel in the dream. So it starts, and I’m confused because it just seems to be footage of me randomly walking around London with the hairstyle I had maybe 4 years ago, much shorter, I also realise that it’s 30 minutes long and I wonder whether I’ve got the right file. Then, bizarrely, it plays footage of my just waking up, in that room, in the clothes I’m wearing in the dream, basically replaying the events of the last few minutes to me on the screen within the dream. Strange. So anyway I’m watching. A friend from drama school knocks on the door and asks whether she can come and watch – I say sure, but I’m not sure what I’m watching, this is insane. She shrugs her shoulders and says well, it’s the first edit, you just have to say what you want – I say, but there’s 30 mins of footage, where’d it all come from? The we both start to laugh hysterically. Very bizarre. In the dream about Hammersmith, the weather is quite grey. Not raining, but it’s grey. Oh oh, there is a memory in my head of being in a car with someone, not sure who, probably Billy, who is driving and not looking at the road and slightly bumps the car in front, the car in front simply floats forward like there’s no real impact whatsoever. That’s a relief for all involved. In the bit of my dream that was about The Beatles’ recording, a girl who I studied GCSE music with was there, for some reason, I thought she looked much slimmer than she does in her Facebook profile picture (O God my dreams are very weight obsessed). It’s amazing when you start recording dreams how so many people, minor characters from your life, still stay in your psyche and come out to play in dreams. Some of the people in my dreams were practical non – entities in my waking life and they still appear in my dreams, more than 10 years later. Just goes to show how much we actually carry around with us in the depths of our memory. In the dream about my showreel the showreel guy featured too, occasionally in shot, also he appeared after my friend from school, to ask what I thought of something else I suppose but I can’t really remember much, just that he featured in that segment of the dream too. Anything else.. Not really. Oh God, I’m going to have to watch this thing. I want do, but I don’t. What if I cry, first thing in the morning, because it’s so terrible?! Eeks. I wonder if my scene partner will make it over to rehearse today, her text yesterday implied she might not make it. Hope she does though, it’d be great to work on a scene, such fun! Last night was fun. Max was so pooped after squash it was hilarious. Feel bad for taking over the whole afternoons’ conversation to basically talk about ME ME ME when Eddy in fact came over to talk and clarify his ideas. Terribly selfish. At the time it just came flooding out but that definitely doesn’t justify taking up so much time. Lots of interesting ideas, develop them! Squash was fun too, I wasn’t that great but I feel much more nimble around the court and although it’s good exercise, it doesn’t exhaust me, which is good. Billy is visibly fitter, which is amazing! Feel better for speaking to Mum, much better, was feeling guilty for not calling her and speaking to her. Must remember to call her this evening. Right, time for tea and porridge. Happy times. Stomach ache though, nerves. So stressed about showreel. Surely more important things to worry about.

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