Sat March 2nd 2013

6.43 a.m.

I miss being able to sleep in on a Saturday. Not lie in, I can do that, but there is something so great about sleeping until silly o clock and these days I just can’t do it. I think in the long run it’s good, but I haven’t quite got the balance right yet as I seem to have gone on some kind of sleep deprivation trip recently. Yesterday was a good day. Kicked off nicely with tea and porridge, can’t beat that. Then plucked up the courage to watch my showreel though poor Billy had to sit there and watch it too, dealing with me declaring how painful it was every time I spoke and generally being pathetic about the whole thing all the way through. Truthfully though, I’m actually pleased with it. Regardless of whether I’m at the point where I can see myself objectively (working on it!) I can see that at the every least I am natural on camera and it’s well edited and for the most part well shot and well lit. Money well spent, ultimately. That was a good way to kick off the day. Billy and Eddy were very supportive and encouraging, which helped massively. The quiet voice in my head whispers that they have to, they are hardly going to put me down, are they, but I’m learning to do better in terms of accepting good feedback. Feels like a long hard road though! Anyway then I met a friend for coffee, then my scene partner arrived and met us at the café and we had a nice chat and then we rehearsed all afternoon, which was great! Oh yes before going for coffee I worked out, which is always good. Anyway, rehearsing. Great fun! It’s fun playing around, trying stuff out, making mistakes. It’s a great exercise and maybe we’ll get the chance to perform it. I’d like that, but for now, I’m just enjoying working on it and doing some acting! Also was contacted by a fellow drama school graduate who is getting a corporate video put together and we’re filming that on Sunday morning before my family are over for a late lunch, which should also be fun. Overall yesterday was  a good day J Also, read Much Ado About Nothing with Billy (well, an act) which I loved, and man, was dinner good! Must learn how to use my new phone. My Aussie friend is coming over today which will be great fun, although I am definitely coming down with a cold and should warn him of the risk he’s running if he comes over but I hope he does because it’d be lovely to see him. I wonder what that’s like, being taken to another plane of existence for a few minutes. What does that even mean? I’m  tremendously vulnerable to ideas, I’ve realised – once there is an idea it goes right in and festers for a while and if it’s of real interest, it lives and takes on it’s own life within my daily thoughts and adds to the soap opera of my psyche. Can’t image another plane of existence, but I’d like to understand what that’s like. Ha. It’s funny thinking these thoughts in big glasses and a dressing gown and slippers at 7am on a Saturday. Peace. Quiet. A quiet mind. That sounds like it would be nice. Then again, am I actually ready to let go of that? I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder whether actually at this point, I somehow need the noise – I consider it to be part of my identity and if I lose it, perhaps I’ll lose some of what is special about me. Maybe a quiet mind is actually a boring mind? Ha. It IS early! I don’t seem to have any bits of dreams in my head this morning. Must have woken up at just the right time. Didn’t get much sleep, switched the light off at midnight – ish and woke up at.. Yep, 3am. I dropped off for a bit but woke up in time for the 5am news. My alarm just went off. Alarms are very useful, yes, but they are really annoying. Especially on a phone when they vibrate too. What’s that about? I have “so come on, feel the noise” in my head. I don’t approve of that choice! Why not some Van Morrison, or Jimi, or Tim, or Jeff, or Nick? I guess that’s all too serious for this time of the morning, ultimately. My brain seems to want to stop at this point. I wonder why that is. Why is it so difficult to operate at the normal levels of inner monologue when you’re transcribing what is being said in your own head? I suppose it might just be something to do with lag – it takes longer to write than to think, once you’ve written one though, the other has disappeared and thoughts are so fleeting that you simply lose them but there’s nothing to be too upset about in that then, because lots more thoughts will appear in your head just as quickly as they went away. DAMN I forgot to call Mum last night! Bugger. It’d be nice if she came over on Mothers’ Day, really nice. Who does that remind me of? Reminds me of someone but I can’t think of who. Boiler is trundling away. Wonder if the guy has managed to fix it more permanently. We have these cool coasters that look like vinyl records. Really like them. Must get more cool stuff for the house. Wow, just took my glasses off at my vision feels better from this distance. Perhaps all that just taking your glasses off / not wearing contacts as much business actually helps! If I could re – train my eyes and I wasn’t completely dependent on glasses / lenses I’d be pretty chuffed with that, definitely. This morning I want to work out, vacuum, also boring but I need to make sure my phone is all synced with everything and also get a cover. Cram in more PT stuff somewhere and then it’ll be time to kick back with two of my favourite people in the world. Lots to do! Best get on with it.. Hungry. Hunger is so distracting. But O that magic feeling.. Nowhere to go…. Oh that magic feeling…Nowhere to go.. Aaaaaahhh ahh ahhhhh…. Haven’t listened to Abbey Road for ages. Thinking of that guitar riff makes me feel good… one sweet dream… came true…today… came true… yes it did, nah nah…… Oh MAN. So good!

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