Weds March 20th 2013

6.23 a.m.

Have had a shower already this morning. Temperature didn’t want to regulate – hormones do that – so most of the night was spent fluctuating between being far too warm and being absolutely freezing. Never mind. I have a really tense neck this morning, might be from the dancing yesterday. Can’t believe I’m not feeling well, again! Not sure I’m in any fit state to play squash today but I’ll see how I feel later. Filming has been moved to next week, thankfully, so it’s all good. Feel sorry for myself all day if I want to. Dreams. Mexico. A holiday park. Myself and one other, as usual can’t quite remember who the other person was, walking through what felt like the gates of an empty theme park, desolate, finally coming across a canopy where the fiancé of a good friend of mine is sitting with her brother, and they talk about her wedding dress. One other person is there – I think I have an idea of who but not sure, can’t remember properly. Another dream involves school dinners – or at least, dropping off empties in what felt like a school kitchen, but I can’t remember properly! Also dreamt about talking to a posh lady – turns out she was the prime minister, about change as she cycled and I walked down the road. Not sure which element of change we were actually talking about, mind. It was a good conversation though, that’s the feeling I have. Have to consider what I’m going for, be prepared. Preparation is everything. This pen is running out, only writes at a very specific angle although I suppose that in all fairness, I have written 6 weeks of morning notes with this pen, pretty much. It hasn’t had much time off. What am I, exactly? I need to figure it out, and quickly. Or maybe not so quickly. Maybe taking my time is the best policy here. What’s the hurry? There isn’t one, really, is there? Nah. It’s all good. Sigh. Writing is going well, which is good – in the sense that it’s going, at least. I’m struggling right now, though. I wonder why. The boiler is humming. Breaking Bad is in my head. Stressful! It’s awful really, watching the slow and painful death of a marriage and someone’s seemingly irreversible addiction to power. I wonder what power actually feels like. I wonder, but I don’t have the desire for it – except maybe over my own destiny and where I go and the steps I take. But power? All dominant power? Doesn’t really interest me. Perhaps the rush is worth it, but I haven’t tried it so I don’t know really. It’s kind of cold in here now. Well, I’m col, anyway. Will probably be too hot in a few minutes. Chocolate. Chocolate, chocolate. So good at the moment. Too good. Ambrosia with Nutella. God that was good. I’m going to put it down to hormones for now, but if this carries on perhaps I should consider a different career to Personal Training as an income stream! Or acting! Probably not going to be a very good example of what to aspire to after a few months of Nutella Flake Ambrosia binging.

Today is going to be a good day. I will allow myself a break if I don’t feel up to things – but I will get the piece finished, make some calls, do some study and do generally good healthy stuff. Absolutely. It’s a gift not having to travel today, don’t feel up to it at all. Must decide on whether to do this lesson on Monday – if I get a session booked in Monday daytime, there’s no reason not to rock up!

Right. 6 41 a.m. Will do a basic stretch to alleviate neck and shoulder tension. Then.. Tea and porridge. And Nutella. Yeah!

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