Thurs March 21st 2013

7.19 a.m.

Dreamt about Akira. We were walking through the grounds of what felt like a castle of some kind, and someone was discussing the suspension of Volkswagen vehicles – interesting thing to have in my dream considering I don’t even really know what suspension is in relation to a car. Then we realised that Akira wasn’t going to be able to climb over this wall, so we’d have to climb up this pole thing with him and carry him over, so me and Dad agreed that I’d do the ascent and he’d do the descent. I climbed up with Akira in my arms – he was heavy, and it was touch and go as I handed him over to Dad but we did it and then my final image as the alarm went off was of Akira lying, eyes looking up at us and me and Dad and Eddy and Billy all laughing. Dad was younger in the dream, and was so full of love for Akira it was amazing. If only he could have expressed fully that side of himself when he was younger. Sad. Other dreams. Something about martial arts. Another dream. I can’t remember now, dammit! My stomach feels funny this morning, also a bit confused as I seem to be a bit behind the curve in terms of cycles. Struggling to keep writing this morning. Maybe because I’ve just woken up. Because I want, a girl, to call, my own, I wanna, dream lover, so I don’t have to dream alone… Woke up with the first song by The Band in my head this morning. Bit concerned about things. Love that my reel was shared on FB! Also sweet to get a tweet about it. People can be really kind sometimes. Photographer hasn’t got back to me yet, annoying. Suppose it isn’t the end of the world, but it’s annoying. Too easy to ignore emails! How do I feel this morning? Not calm. A bit irritable. Hungry. Fat. Sad. Tired. I think I’m struggling to do this at the moment because I don’t want to fall into a pit of despair so early in the morning and I’m terrified of that happening because it is NOT fun! What’s the solution, I wonder. Clearing out has done me a lot of good so far. I got the pilot drafted, which is pretty good going as an exercise in discipline. Redraft time! Actually quite an exciting prospect, just need to keep going with it all. Doing the gym stuff too, need to keep the pace up on that, and start looking to earn some money, definitely. It’ll make me feel better if I’m contributing, at the moment I feel like I’m being hard work and giving nothing back, which isn’t the way I want to live. Anyway, must brush teeth and stuff. Woke up late today. D’oh!

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