But My Brain Says To Me That I’m Not So Clever

Gliding. Sadness. A long weekend. Discoveries of things that I do not want to find or face up to or accept. I am alone and cannot connect or communicate. I don’t want to. What my real desire is I don’t know, I just don’t know. I’m stuck in the mires of emotional pain and my feet can’t move me out of this no matter how hard I fight and I consider the notion that perhaps I cannot fight this and can only move forward if I allow myself to accept the truth of my reality and learn to work with it rather than keep on trying to fight against it because I am exhausted. My mind is consumed with a single question to which there can be no simple answer. Why? Why? Why? Over and over and over and over. I do not understand. Part of me doesn’t want to because once I have found the answer I will be forced to confront the truth of things and I will not be able to stop reality from permeating my being and festering and creating a vision which I do not want to form or accept or breed in my minds’ eye. I don’t want this negativity LIVING inside me. The lights are low, I will MOVE and expel this energy from inside me after this exhausting weekend I will get RID of this and hope that that the sight of the truth of the moment will help me to forget what has been before and the horrible reality of this that I am clinging on to against my will. I want to get RID of these feelings and thoughts and visions that have become a part of my waking reality. I want SILENCE.

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