You’re The One I Think About

I want to see you. I’m on a train at 6am going to a job that I don’t have the slightest interest in but the prospect of going to work has become the most exciting and hopeful prospect in my banal and wholly unhappy existence.  You came along. You have brought light into a world that looked so dark I wanted it to end and now that I’ve found you, I want to be with you all the time and find out all about you and laugh and joke and make silly comments that you somehow seem to understand even though they hardly make sense to me. You’ve even heard of Television. Wow! You’ve come into my life and I wonder what I have done to deserve it but as I listen to Tim Buckley singing to me about how he knows he’s found home, I think of the sideways glance that I like so much and the way that somehow you seem distanced from the world but in some indescribable way we are completely connected and we just understand. You are not distanced from me. Most of all, I think of your laugh. I like it. As though the whole world is amusing to you. Not uproariously funny. Just amusing. I feel as though I’ve been saved from myself, somehow. From a place where a terrible darkness and the bleakest thoughts swam freely and occupied my being to a world of stolen Lion Bars, discussions about music, laughs and appreciation and hope. Hope. The realisation that life doesn’t have to be a cloud of sadness and suffocation and that there is always an escape or hope or someone to love who will love you for who you are too. You showed me that I am worthy of love. I didn’t believe it before we found one another. I didn’t let myself believe. Just like a Buzzin’ Fly, you came into my life. And saved me. And no matter what life brings, you will always be the one who saved me. You saved me.

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