Tuesday March 26th 2013

6.56 a.m.

Woken by the alarm this morning. Could have slept longer – woke up in the middle of the night with a busy brain but it wasn’t too bad, really. It’s cool that it’s light outside when I wake up these days, makes me feel more energetic and doesn’t make me want to simply hide in bed until the darkness goes away. Have a few things to do today – call photo man, video audition, generally sort out my face. Had a dream that I was in acting class and we were presenting scenes – the scene I was doing was from An American play, about a PI and a murderer. Stylised. I was playing the murderer and the PI was trying to question me. In the dream we went last, everyone else had gone, and while we were doing the scene everyone started talking and the teacher cut us off halfway and asked us to stop. My scene partner was Peter MacNicol, interesting. I got annoyed and asked what the teaching policy actually was. The teacher smiled, and said another time. In a different bit of the dream we were all sat and someone in class was talking really loudly and got annoyed with me for asking her to be a bit quieter like I was breaking some deal. Then, in another dream, I was in East Dulwich, a group of kids asked us, as we were walking home in the snow, if we would go and buy them fish and chips. I was with an interesting bunch – the guy who plays Richard Fish in Ally McBeal (actually BEING Richard Fish), Joseph Gordon – Levitt and James LeGros. How utterly bizarre! Anyway, Fish went and got the fish and chips, somehow the kid who asked him to buy it refused to take it and we ended up taking it into a bar where it exploded!! Joseph Gordon – Levitt was running, shouting RUN to everyone and we were all pretty traumatised.

In another dream, I was on a bus going to a high street, I think on the bus it was just Shoreditch though I wasn’t sure of which stop to get off at as the bus passed through the most populated bit of town but I followed my instructions exactly and got off where I was meant to meet a friend though I can’t remember who it was. We went for a wander around a huge cathedral. There was a school opposite. During this walk, for some reason, I took a drag on a cigarette and stubbed it out immediately. My best friend was with me at that point. Then, we were writing a card for her – 3 girls at reception, one of whom I recognised but I can’t remember who that was – and also my best friends’ flatmate was there and we were all signing this card. Bizarre. Amazing though, I’ve only met her once! When I woke up at 3am I had something about a dream to do with my Mum in my head, but can’t really remember now. In the dream with Peter MacNicol (haha still hilarious), immediately after I got annoyed because we were cut off, I went to the bathroom where I couldn’t work out how to use the lock. There was a bolt, but it didn’t work properly – the latch was loose, but the mechanism didn’t work either, so basically it was just a big fat mess and I couldn’t relax and pee and I was getting annoyed because I was losing lesson time. Haha, what a swot!

Have started to question the point of the world lately and am working hard to draw valuable lessons and conclusions from everything that happens. Not in any kind of morbid way, or depressive way (at least not consciously), but there are so MANY people in the world that I’m losing a sense of my own place in the grand scheme of things. This, of course, comes down to ego, really, expecting that somehow, I have a “place” but I’ve never really questioned it so much. Not in recent memory, anyway. Ultimately, everyone has something to offer and that’s enough, but these days and it’s just a phase, I look at the world and in my brain it’s like one big (very big) game of Civilisation. Makes me think of that David Bowie song, Sons Of The Silent Age – that description of the cycle of life makes perfect sense to me at the moment. We just go to sleep one day.

Today will be fun though. No shortage of things to do and I’m looking forward to getting stuck in to more writing, and making progress on stuff so it’s all good. Lots and lots to do, and I’m slowly getting boosts and better response rates to applications which is great. Just need to keep working on staying positive. Thinking of tea is a good start.

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