Fri March 29th 2013

8.49 a.m.

So it’s Bank Holiday and everyone is off work and nice an happy and it’s a nice bright day outside and I had a bit of  a lie – in. Unfortunately, I am not capable of lying in bed and not spinning into negative thought patterns, so it started off being relaxing, anyway. I know I should write these notes because today is one of those days when I will benefit from the process of clearing my head out, but I don’t want to because I would rather just forget about things and have my breakfast. Why am I such an idiot and so badly adjusted? Why can’t I forgive? Forget? How much better would that be for me as a person? Life would be loads easier if I learned to let go of stuff but I can’t, because I feel vulnerable enough as it is without the added freefall of letting go of the databank of evidence built in my brain per person of the things they have said and done to make me consider them as being good or bad or whatever the right word is in my eyes, can’t really be bothered to find the right terms though that is a massively sweeping generalisation. Hungry. In the end, it probably just comes down to the fact that I’m hungry, really. What to do today? I don’t know, really, what’s best? I fancy a day of totally kicking back but I know I’ll get restless, so it’s probably best, at some point, to get out of the house and expend some kind of energy. I wonder if I’ll get that student gig. Oh, and an audition via my agent on Wednesday. How amazing. Obviously writing a snooty email reminded him that I actually exist. Anyway, I’ll do my best. It’s been a good week, career wise, I should learn to give myself a break sometimes. Das Boot. Wow. What an awesome film! Must find the time to watch it again, glorious film making I think! Anyway, short one as Shiv is here and it’s a bit late, but feeling better for writing stuff down. Definitely worth the effort.

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