Saturday April 6th 2013

9.35 a.m.

It’s 9.35?!! Had a gynormously long sleep! Well, actually, I got to sleep at 2am, so perhaps not, technically, but I like this, this the latest I’ve woken up on a Saturday morning in ages! Yesterday ended up being quite different to what was expected – people came round and I watched an evening of films instead of going out – both movies were decidedly average as far as I was concerned but everyone has different tastes, don’t they? Yawn yawn yawn. I’m tired! I’m bothered by the fact that I didn’t get that job. I really shouldn’t be – I didn’t expect to get it – but I shall admit to myself, in the privacy of my own thoughts, that I have allowed the fact that I didn’t get it to get to me on a personal level. Silly idea, really. Very silly. People talking about The Grand National. What an institution. It’s the one time of the year where it’s brought home to me how bookies that aren’t purely online have survived for all this time though I don’t know, those poor horses get worked so hard! That said, no different to an athlete or a gymnast really powering through to get their PB or perfect triple tuck twist – and humans tend to consider physical activity of an intense nature to be outside the norm, while animals live very physically, and not cerebrally. My eyes are watering this morning! Man I’m tired! My head feels quite light and I can’t remember any of my dreams so I guess I slept like a baby which is good, but I wonder what my subconscious is now doing with all the images and issues contained in the movies I watched last night, the conversations I had, the stuff my senses took in. How am I really processing all the stuff that I saw? It’s cool and scary how much of an impact stimuli has on the subconscious, which ultimately governs how you see the world and how you function within in but the whole process is INVISIBLE to you except when you get glimmers in your dreams. Which are really weird. How bizarre. That we can’t see this process happening, we can’t actually consciously choose our personalities and approaches and prejudices and how and when they form and see the root of them and the elements that constitute them. We’re simply slaves to it and are led along by the leash of our subconscious with little choice but to keep going because really, what else is there to do? I guess that actually offers us a strange kind of freedom really. We just keep on keeping on with our consciousness and trust that our invisible leader it and the processes and choices that it makes for us are the right ones. Fingers crossed.

Anyway, it is far beyond time for breakfast and tea. My strange light headedness is likely to be rooted in simple caffeine withdrawal. Let’s find out.

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