Monday April 8th 2013

8.46 a.m.

What a U-Turn! From chronic insomnia to a completely crazy inability to get up in the morning! Madness. I couldn’t get myself out of bed, what a trial. There is a feature on about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and it’s sad. Planning my day. Haven’t had breakfast, tempted to work out first but don’t think it would actually be healthy to skip it. Maybe I’ll work out later, say 4ish, see how I react to an afternoon workout. Need to get on with a load of stuff, plenty to be getting on with. Beautiful morning! Well, it looks beautiful in here, the sun’s shining through, but now I look outside properly it’s grey. The weekend was enjoyable, went for a walk, 2 hours, and it almost killed us all! Haha. Had no idea but it’s a good feeling being so tired. I’m sure I had dreams but at this stage I can’t really remember them. Finished two books last night – How To Be A Woman (hilarious) and Intimacy (painfully honest) but it feels good to be reading. I do worry about my decreasing ability to read, actually. I used to be a prolific reader and got so much pleasure out of curling up with a good book – makes me sad that recently I’ve found it so difficult to, I don’t know, concentrate. Getting better, but how did I let myself lose that ability? Oh well. Raymond Blanc is talking about freezing cold vegetables. Fresh food. Yummy. Slowly connecting, slowly. Which feels good, actually. I have “So Glad” by Captain Beefheart in my head this morning, interesting choice. My bloody photos still haven’t arrived, which is bugging me a bit but there’s always a good reason and not worth worrying about. Porridge yesterday was so good. Must learn to make it like that! I prefer this, the occasional inability to go somewhere, than the daily drudgery that is living your life running away from your every day. Getting up every day and wasting the time you’ve been given. That said, am I wasting it now? I hope not. I could drive myself crazy with these thoughts. On with the day.

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