Tues April 9th 2013

8 a.m.

It is DIFFICULT to get up in the mornings! Bed seems so comfortable, sleep such a gift, dreams such wonderful escape, that I don’t want to close the door on it every morning. What a change from earlier this year, when I couldn’t get a full night and would lie awake every night listening to BBC World Service. Strange. Still, everything for a good reason, I suppose. I feel bad for Gazelle, being confronted with mortality so suddenly seems unfair to me, when some of us drift through our life only conceptualising the impact that death can have. She is having to process the reality of it’s impact on someone close. Must be tough. In the other room, Margaret Thatcher is being talked about and it’s distracting. My muscles feel tired today. Good feeling. I like having tired muscles. I feel like I need to be physically tired out or I am restless. I’m pleased with yesterday, I got a lot done and am feeling motivated to get a lot done today. My brain feels a bit slow this morning. I don’t know why, it’s feeling a bit more difficult to do these morning notes. I think I am putting blocks on my feelings because sometimes it’s painful to fully express yourself. You end up acknowledging and processing all the things that you don’t necessarily want to remember, or express, or experience, and these morning notes tend to reflect my willingness to really go through the truth and extent of my confused psyche. These days, I feel like having a reasonably relaxed time, but I know, deep down, that I have loads of work to do on myself and have to get back to being brave and really acknowledging what’s going on. NOISE. Something about monkeys on the television. NOISE. So much NOISE. My dream last night involved Astral Weeks. A-ha. Breakfast!

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