Thurs 11th April 2013

7.34 a.m.

Everyone’s place is different. The aspirations of each one of us is (are?!) different and we can change where we are going whenever we want. Dreamt about a couple of interesting things. One dream, I was with Eddy, a couple of other people, can’t remember who, and we’d all signed up to this experiment of some kind where we were injected by a combination of hallucinogenic drugs – I don’t remember why, or the point of it, but I have the memory of the waiting area – it just felt like the entry level of a big office building. A row of 6 other chairs, everything looked grey / blue, and for some reason Eddy and the other two people were taken off to be -I’ve just remembered, one of the people was Roman- – given their concoction of drugs and I was left on my own to ponder whether it was something that I actually wanted to do and it made me nervous that the timing of my experience would be different to everyone else’s. They came back exclaiming that they felt relaxed, nothing scary about the whole thing, I can’t really remember what happened after that. Another dream, me and Billy were being shown around a house by this lady who I suppose was the owner or the landlady. I remember she showed us this huge room which was full of clothes and piles of stuff. A long, open room with wooden floors and thought it was an awesome room. We then went around the rest of the house and there were another couple of huge rooms with 8 small beds – she explained that she and her husband had 8 children. Was a nice house. At some point, I was standing, chatting to a couple of people in a big room on the ground floor with big windows – it felt like some kind of event but I don’t know what the event could have been. In another dream, there was another room, and someone was being sick and being treated, but everyone else was having a groovy time and I thought it was disrespectful and bizarre that no one seemed to care. I have a memory of a train crossing, walking outside, but not much else. The Hobbit is freaking awesome! I enjoyed it so much last night! Really very very good. And really funny. Martin Freeman is absolutely brilliant. Lots of archetypal Heroes in Tolkien. Such fun. Where is my self doubt coming from? I feel guilty for doing what I’m doing sometimes. I worry that it rubs salt into what is already a gaping open wound, but would it be right to stop for that reason? I don’t think so. It feels like a difficult situation sometimes, though. I can feel the strain of it and I don’t like it. Oh well. Going to have another great day today. Yes, it’s dark and gloomy outside, perfect for holing up with my own thoughts. I really don’t want to leave the house – what a mole!

BREAKFAST. Yes Yes Yes.

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