Sun April 21st 2013

7.15 a.m.

The book I’m reading is so interesting – woke up thinking about it this morning – all about the process of making judgements and how we think, which is absolutely fascinating to me, currently. It’s still incredible to be when I attempt to conceive of how much we are DOING all the time with our brains and body, everything responds to everything, and a lot of the time we simply don’t notice consciously. Imagine that. We don’t consciously know or process what’s going on around us a lot of the time. Crazy! Yesterday was a really good day – I’m really relieved and pleased that those damn photos didn’t look too dumb or like I’m trying way too hard. Mutton as lamb is NOT good. I was genuinely worried about that, although the shoot was so cheap that I would I went into it feeling that even if I got ONE shot that I could use it would have been worth the effort! Took the edge off a bit; when you’ve paid £250 for a set of photos, and you know you’re paying that much,  you can get quite stressed out and the pressure of getting something good is scarily high and you’re more tense than you would be – which has the painful possibility of becoming a self – fulfilling prophecy. Another idyllic spring morning! Again, I woke to the sound of birdsong. Again. All we can do is just go with what we are. Well said, Rocky. Lightsabres sound so cool. It still thrills me to hear one! Head is full of ideas for my second draft but it’s going to be a dramatic change to structure so I’m both dying to get going on it and a bit apprehensive about the workload but I know it’s such fun writing this stuff that all these silly judgements I’m passing on myself and the stuff I’m doing are ultimately completely useless. Felt lovely walking through the park yesterday – keeping my fingers & toes crossed that this sunshine is here to stay – if it’s sunny on my birthday I’ll be one happy bunny! Just been greeted hello, lovely in the morning. Tea looks like it might be on the way, exciting! Decided to put the radio on this morning, the humming sounds were blocking out the birdsong a bit so I thought I’d put on some nice dominant music to cancel out the hum. I suppose that’s what we’re doing a lot of the time, isn’t it? Blocking out the noises that are distracting us from what’s really going on so eventually, we have layers and layers of noise. I don’t know. In a pretentious mood this morning!

Dreamt of some kind of job – I was just a general dogsbody – I somehow managed to lose a book. I was in charge of some kind of alarm system. The girl who was my boss was mean to everyone, but she wasn’t to me, for some reason. She was putting a load of books away. I didn’t recognise her – her surname was Morte, I think. Also, something about Pirates Of The Caribbean  and the sea air – but don’t remember much. Feel bad for sitting here, for some reason. Don’t have much else going on, really. The day should be fun. Breakfast (yeeah!), then writing, then workout, then shower, then nice leisurely lunch in the sun with friends and then, who knows? In any case, it’ll be in the sunshine! Yeeah!

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