Thurs 25th April 2013

6.26 a.m.

Woke up with an interesting dream in my head. Me and Billy were in a house, in Cornwall, old 60s style décor, we were asleep on the floor in the front room and I woke up to see, out of the pane of the front door, that we had been completely engulfed in water overnight and waves were crashing against the house. Billy said we would have to get tips on how to handle this from downstairs, but the water started coming in so we went with the flow (quite literally) – and the water was coming in and we were floating. I remember thinking that it would be good to learn to surf and interestingly, I wasn’t at all scared of the water. My theory is that it’s because it rained yesterday for the first time in ages, but who knows? Actually, I guess I’ll never know what the dream actually means, but the thing about life is that anything worth knowing is only worth knowing in a floaty kind of way because nothing is absolute. Another dream was about meeting up with someone. I don’t remember it clearly, I’d arranged to meet up with someone and went to meet them but they didn’t show, which was fine, but their son showed up and myself, a friend and this annoying kid ended up driving around a small town and it was really frustrating because the kid was annoying. I don’t actually remember much more of that – except for a black car, really shiny and small. Interesting set of dreams, anyway. Can’t believe it’s almost May. Almost my 29th – what’ s up with that?! 29! I still feel the same way I felt when I was 21, although if I stop and take the time to think about it, I guess I’m actually doing okay. As far as trying to build the life that I want for myself goes. I’m an actor, which I was only dreaming of at 21. I was too afraid to even allow myself to really indulge that dream, when I was 21, so I guess I’m much braver now. Unemployed, yes, but I am a part of that world now – I’m spending loads of time writing, which I’ve always wanted to do, I’m trying to build a career that will engage my want to help people to move forward and lead more positive lives. I’m finding the real me, looking at myself in the eye, much more than I ever have done before. And walking forward in a relationship that is moving towards fulfilling my needs and expectations – refusing to compromise for anything less than what I feel is right. All very hard work, but all very worth it. Just need to quiet the voice of the Inner Critic, make it less venomous and more nurturing, perhaps moving towards more of an Inner Feedback – Giver rather than CRITIC. So glad I have a rest day today. My body feels like it needs a day to recover – feeling that satisfying feeling of CHANGE. Yeah! I like intensity. It gets you into the moment.

Today will be a good day. Maybe not quite as good as yesterday because I’m not seeing any of my friends, but it’ll still be full of ideas and creativity and most all, physical rest. Must watch a film today, it’s vitally important that I do the research!

Anyway, on with Recovery Day! That said, I’m already looking forward to kicking more butt tomorrow. Yeah!

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