Sat April 27th 2013

8.27 a.m.

What to write this morning. I’m thinking about what to write, which I don’t feel is such a good start to this exercise. Still, if that’s what’s going on, that’s what’s going on, and that’s what I’m writing, so it’s all good. Yesterday was a good day, got the second draft done; plagued by self-doubt and sure that it’ll be a long journey before I can say that I fully understand the skills and requirements and intricacies involved in writing a good screenplay, but we’ll get there in the end, with enough persistence. Have resolved to make a short film in time for festivals next year – so I have until December to write, produce, act, direct, edit this piece, whatever it turns out to be. It’s good to have something to aim for, that’s for definite. I need to reply to the career people about jobs at gyms – will do that this morning. Quite groggy this morning, but can feel myself going through the process of walking up – eyes are opening just a bit wider, brain becoming a bit less muggy, it’s all good. I dreamt that me and Billy were with his best friend and his wife – although I have a memory of Billy on the phone to his best friend discussing Poker too, at some point. Billy decided that I would play but for him not to stress too much about that…! Then, we were preparing a meal of some sort, a salad, I was trying to do something else at the same time (can’t remember what), and Billy kept on insisting that I make this food and I was going barmy. Also, a dream about filming a scene based in an office; felt like some kind of class, because I did it, then another person (a girl from a small – time call centre I worked at as a student, random!) and she did it in a completely different way to me. Then, I watched it back, and it had subtitles, and I was annoyed because the editor hadn’t taken the subtitles off. Anything else. I’m sure there was more to the dream about Billy’s best friend and his wife, but I can’t remember! It makes sense to me that they would factor in at the moment, their news has had quite an impact on me. It’s a bit unsettling, everyone I know who is in a relationship seems so sure – there are engagements, weddings, babies happening everywhere (it seems) and it makes me question myself. These days, I’m not completely sure of anything. Of how long anything will last. Everything seems terrifyingly transient, and I’m scared to fully commit to anything in case it all comes crashing down. Hmm. I’ve never been unsure of my love, but things always seem to be changing, and how do you know that everything will change in an alignment that won’t cause chaos? You don’t do you? I suppose that’s trust for you. It’s cool writing these notes with a pen this morning – very satisfying, have been writing with a pencil for a few weeks now. Listened to a load of music yesterday while I was writing – Blood On The Tracks, Moondance, Venus In Furs, Burnin’ Feeling. All great. Really enjoyed hearing them through the headphones. Ah, in another dream, I was walking with Billy through town and he got a text message from his Dad – something about going into work after all if Billy was up for it. To my surprise, Billy said yes, and decided to go to work. Ha! Anyway, today. My favourite day. I’m going to make a start on the script for this short – as a priority. Do some study. Workout. Have a boogie. Find a monologue to work on. PT stuff. The whole day is free, so no complaints here. Just have to make the best of the time that I’ve got. Yeah!

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