Thurs May 2nd 2013

5.38 a.m.

It’s 5.38 a.m. and the sky outside looks absolutely beautiful – everything looks still, peaceful. There’s hardly any man – made noise. Birds tweeting, owls hooting, but only the occasional car driving past the window. I like the early hours of the morning – sometimes I’m tempted to try and set my body clock so I wake up at 4 a.m. every day – it’s like you’ve found your very own space to occupy, a secret from the rest of the world. Or anyone who isn’t an insomniac, anyway.  Have been awake since about 2a.m, had a good few hours’ sleep before that though, so I don’t actually feel too groggy – less so than usual, in fact. Feel bad for missing morning notes yesterday; was silly, massively overslept and as Tylor was here and tea and breakfast was being served up as I woke, it seemed rude to make everyone wait. Luxury indeed to have breakfast prepared for you! Glad I have a rest day from exercise today, absolutely killed myself yesterday with three different physical activities – need to work on my Badminton skills! They aren’t too bad, but there’s definitely more than enough room for improvement. My back didn’t help; every time I made an extension movement it twinged, which was annoying but never mind. My eyes are extremely watery this morning and my nose is running. Often the way when I wake up at silly o’clock though. Perhaps it’s being awake and being so speculative that’s the unnatural bit though, rather than the physical symptoms I’m describing. Find myself thinking of ideas for scripts a lot, which is really good – don’t have angry thoughts or crazy stress on my mind which makes a nice change from the first phase of the year. I generally find that being awake at 2am spells a good few hours of not being able to switch off negative thoughts syndrome, which I don’t like, at all.

Intend to make today a hibernating day, as tomorrow I have this meeting at 10a.m., and then hope to see friends. It’s upsetting that my best friend isn’t around; one of the few times I’m in London and she’s not in the country! Worth making a dedicated trip in at some point to catch up, I reckon.

Yawn. Funny. Now I’m writing I can feel myself getting sleepy. Isn’t that weird? I don’t remember any of my dreams this morning; I guess I woke up in between cycles and that’s that. I have a really old Pink Floyd tune in my head – I don’t know if it’s just because I’m paying more attention these days, but I seem to wake up with a song in my head most of the time. Possibly just to do with the timing of waking up and the effort/attention levels being dedicated to actually noticing that kind of thing, but consider it noticed, Brain. It’s interesting writing with a pen rather than with a pencil. When you REALLY pay attention to the process of writing, it’s amazing, really. It looks so simple, but when you consider how much is going on for you to just be able to write on a page; it’s RIDICULOUSLY sophisticated! Something sensorally happens, a thought or pattern is triggered, which you form & conceptualise and communicate to yourself in some form through language and imagery which you’ve created a dictionary of over a lifetime, and you then pick up an instrument that you know is suitable for the process of writing, and you then engage the mental and physical co – ordination, understanding & associations which then all somehow do some insane stuff and voila! It’s all out on the page. Amazing. And quite trippy to me. Also thoughts  and associations about the pen itself; knowing handwriting gets really scrawly with this pen, holding it at certain angles deals with the fact that it’s quite low on ink, my handwriting looks dodgy. All of these thoughts and concepts and ideas and associations are so insanely sophisticated! At least, they seem so to me this morning. Ha! I really do need some sleep. The room is soaked in the glow of the sunshine today. Love it! Odd feeling, like half of my face, the left side, is all puffed up, and the right side is shrunken. Why is that, I wonder? Probably just because I need some sleep. Or tea. Very early for breakfast though, it’s just turning 6. Will go and wake my body up with a warm – up, I can feel a lot of tension so I’ll deal with that first. Always a good way to start the day.

Early Mornings. I Love You.

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