Weds May 8th 2013

7.15 a.m.

Wow, super groggy this morning! Am sleeping loads. But still, it’s a good feeling – grateful for every good night of sleep. I did wake up at 2am and struggle to get back for a while, but really it wasn’t too bad at all. Yawn. What’s on my mind this morning? Writing stuff. Developing a slight anxiety about my pieces but having talked it through yesterday I feel that it won’t be a crippling thing, rather, it’s just a normal part of the process of life in general and being brave. Enjoyed studying yesterday; felt that I made some really positive progress, and actually the old tried & tested “read & then write down” in note form is the best way to learn, I find. Listening to an online lecture isn’t the most effective way to learn stuff in and of itself. For me, anyway.

Dreams. I can’t really remember them! I remember a dream from last night – we were doing some kind of showcase and I couldn’t remember my lines. I was worrying and panicking because I didn’t think I knew them and I kept telling myself that I should trust my subconscious, it’s all there – but I kept freaking out and feeling that it wasn’t good enough. My scene partner wasn’t very helpful. It came to our turn, and we walked through the audience (it was like a school assembly hall), got up on the stage (which was MASSIVE) and there was loads of crap everywhere, so we spent ages with the curtain down, hoping to tidy it up and it was taking ages so we weren’t performing. There was also a maze of clothes rails up there. Like a proper dressing room. Anyway, the curtain went up, and it was still a mess. Strange; I can’t remember how the actual performance went. Not very well, I’m sure. Haha.

It’s grey this morning. I don’t actually mind that today; it’s a nice change and somehow I feel okay with being a bit lazy when it’s grey. That said, I have plenty to do today and can’t let myself get lazy! I’m getting a handle on stuff that I didn’t have a handle on before, which is good – so I just need to keep studying, keep practicing and keep GOING. Above all that’s the most important thing. Just keep going! Read Billy’s story yesterday and have to say, DEAD impressed! Really so pleased that he’s done it and it’s really very good, yeah! A real positive!

Feeling good this morning. Groggy, but good. So, going to get myself up and about and get on with today. Plenty to do – want to write tomorrow about how damn pleased I am with my progress!

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