Thurs May 9th 2013

7.10 a.m.

Ooh, it’s sunny this morning! Yeah! Sounds lovely outside, will have to make a trip and make sure I soak up some of the sunshine. Again, feeling really groggy this morning, but I suppose that’s just the way my body is feeling these days – quite tired! The shapes in the curtains look like things; one fold could be an African statue of a man leaning forward.

I dreamt of Ernie having a birthday party of sorts last night.  I remember we were meeting up, we ended up getting a bus somewhere, I got on first (I was in jeans, I remember), and went towards the back of the bus where I perceived that there were 2 seats available. When I got there, it turned out there were seats, but they were so small that it was impossible to get into them – so the old people sitting in the surrounding seats told me that it would be safer to stand. I was embarrassed. Then, we got off the bus at the same place but was quiet and went and had coffee; I was about to leave when I saw on my phone that I had birthday drinks to go to – turns out they were drinks for someone I’m not close to, particularly, but I looked at the invite list and saw that some of my other friends were on there, so I thought I’d wait until it was time to start the party. I went out for a break, came back, and a few people had already arrived. I was asked what I wanted to eat. I was stuck as I’d just eaten lunch – and was laughed at when I ordered a tea. I remember the invite had been clearly manipulated, somehow, clearly put together into 4 lists. At some point, one party extended into a big store, like Harrods. I remember walking around it, trying to find a friend, but I was completely lost.

In another dream, David Beckham had a new puppy, and was giving an interview about puppies and was saying that he’s relieved he won’t have to move house to keep the dog. The puppy was really well behaved until I saw it run out of David Beckham’s arms, across the road, around the roundabout and back again, and NO ONE seemed to notice! Funny.

Any other dreams.. I’m sure there are some, but that’s all I remember for now. A lot of my dreams seem to be filled with misperception. Thinking that a seat is available when it’s not. I notice that the recurring rollercoaster / fairground there that I was getting earlier this year hasn’t been appearing as much, nor has the lone man who tended to appear, walking his dog, or walking the streets, dressed in Black. At the moment, from what I remember, there is more anxiety – more stuff where I question my choices; I think I’ve forgotten my lines, performances being different to what I expect, seats being unavailable, losing friends at parties. Interesting. Feels very me, me, me, this whole train of thinking. When I let myself process stuff about myself in this way, I feel very self – absorbed indeed.

Got really upset yesterday, was particularly upset that I didn’t get the emotional support that I expect these days. Initially I was met with a withdrawal, which I did not like, at all. It was an old pattern which I’ve woken up being a bit annoyed about, which isn’t good. Oh well. It’s out now, so let’s see what happens.

Looking forward to Into Darkness on the weekend. Really looking forward to it! It’ll be great; IMAX at midnight!! Yeah! It’ll also be good to have some proper best mate time; it’s been too long. Yeah!

Okay, time to get on with the day. Gave myself an extra rest day yesterday from working out as my body was in pain, but not today. Bring it on!

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