Mon May 13th 2013

9.35 a.m.

Can’t believe I’ve missed 2 whole days of writing these notes this month. Rubbish! The radio is blaring going on about the BAFTA’s, lots of people sounding very happy and sobby. All good. Quite groggy – have thrown my sleep pattern slightly out of whack as we went to the midnight showing of Into Darkness and Oh My Good God, my mind was blown! Absolutely loved it! Film finished at 2.45a.m, then there were no trains home, so we ended up keeping ourselves occupied for 3 hours. Hilarious, but exhausting. Slept from 7.30 to 12pm, then got up and made lunch as my family were coming down for my birthday. I was surprised by how well we held up, in terms of tiredness. Today though, feeling a bit on the groggy side and not really thinking straight.

Lots of ideas at the moment, lots of ideas. Which is cool. I’m enjoying having a couple of days to let this stuff flow freely and fructify, as it’s not helpful, I’ve learned, to overload your brain; like every other “thing” in your body, it requires periods of rest. So, when you’ve earned it, really let yourself relax and come back after some furious rejuvenation and let yourself “be”, as that is optimum function mode. Would be pretty rubbish if you missed out on your own ideas being realised because you didn’t give your brain the time to process that it needs to really work and process your creative energy. It’s a tough lesson to learn, but there’s nothing wrong with trusting yourself enough to let things move forward and form independently of conscious thought.

It would be good to get that feature film role that I auditioned for on Saturday. Sounds like a good project to get involved in, but I’m learning not to get hung up on outcomes in this business, as that is a futile exercise. I auditioned well, I’m confident of that, and I really enjoyed it, had a good laugh and was given positive comments on my interpretation, so that’s pretty awesome. It feels good to be free of the “need” to be affirmed by getting a role. Rather, I’m getting better at judging when I have done well, and analysing where I need to improve. In short, as Eddy might say, I’m developing a better critical “eye” of myself, which sees the good and bad. Life is much better this way.

Anyway, breakfast is on it’s way! I like pre – birthday pamper-dom. Yeah! Into Darkness. WOW WOW WOW! Nothing like a good movie experience to get one on a natural high!

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