Tues May 14th 2013

7.11 a.m.

29. Shit. 29! Oh, well. It’s my birthday, how strange. This year has gone by so quickly it’s scary. While I remember, I dreamt of the Gravitron ride – I think it’s closed now – the journey to it I remember I didn’t really know where I was going, but once I got the ride I recognised what it was and began to imagine what it would feel like when it got going. I was also in a car with one of my friends’ from school and her Mum; we were going up a hill and as I looked back I saw a car that had spun out of control and the victims of the accident. There were 7 people. One was unconscious. Another was laughing, hysterically. The car was a Green Rover. We drove, quite slowly, along the motorway there was a big house [At this point, my handwriting is completely illegible so I’ll resume where I can read it again; I mention something about horses on the motorway]. The person tending to the horses on the motorway was the ex – husband of the friend I was with, and it got me thinking about what a lovely guy he seemed to be. I suppose you never really know a person until you live with them, really experience their complete being, but in the dream, I was thinking about how lovely he seemed, and how sad it was that he had been hurt. Ha. There were other elements to my dream, definitely, but I can’t quite remember them now; they have faded into loosely, lightly sketched images on my brain. I cannot BELIEVE my hormones have gone all mad today! Oh well, justifiable hibernation, I suppose.

I find myself wondering whether my friends and family will remember that it’s my birthday. Shouldn’t even matter, really, and ultimately, it doesn’t, but there you go. It’s weird to feel slightly alienated today, but I’ve always preferred my small set of trusted friends and I have absolutely no doubt in them, whatsoever. I’m going to attribute this strange feeling to the fact that it’s my 29th birthday. Bizarre. I guess I just feel more of a need than usual to know that people care. Specific people more than others.  I’m thinking that those specific people are, in fact, the ones whom I do not trust, fundamentally – because the friends and loving family that I am lucky enough to have, are around for me every day. Not just one day of the year. And I know that to the very core of my being. I’m realising more and more every day that this is rare, and I’m extremely lucky. And that, is a wonderful feeling and belief to go into this, the first day of my 29th year, with.

Today will be fun! A day of chilling out, doing whatever. Yeah!



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