Weds May 15th 2013

7.26 a.m.

Very little sleep! Fell asleep at 4 a.m. and now awake, so not necessarily feeling completely full of beans but there you go.  Feeling mighty sad today. I don’t know why; not sure if it’s age, or the fact that my birthday is over (ha!) or just that I don’t want Billy to go to work today. I don’t know what it is, but I’m feeling a bit blue. I’m also angry but resolved in my decision to make sure that I stick to healthy patterns and am not tempted to fall into old patterns that do nothing but make me feel shit. Definitely don’t want to make myself feel bad in an artificial way, either, though. Billy has been wonderful, recently. I really feel that this morning. Drove myself crazy replying to my birthday messages on Facebook yesterday, but glad I wrote a personalised response to everyone who took the time out to write, or call, or text – was really very kind of anyone to take the time out of their day.

I’m not sure about what I feel about last night. Stupid. More than anything else; not very clever. Can’t go back in time though, so let’s go for the not – going – to – let – it – happen again approach because it’s so destructive to dwell on things that you consider to have been ill – advised at the time after the event. Completely self – destructive. Perhaps that was simply a manifestation of my own insecurities and frustration or whatever you want to call it from my birthday.

Anyway, the main thing here, is that I had a wonderful birthday. Feeling a wee bit fat but back to the routine today, which will feel good. Will be back on top form before I know it! Yeah! Should get on – lots to do today, lots and lots.

Groggy! Must warm up and wake up.

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