Sun May 19th 2013

7.29 a.m.

Wow. New notebook! So clean, hopeful. I wonder what this one will end up being filled with. Amazing, this is the third one of the year! I’m going to make this the notebook of decent (ish) handwriting – legible, at least. My handwriting used to be so neat when I was younger; really don’t know what I happened. I have that Fleetwood Mac song in my head – “because I need….your love..so bad.” It reminds me of someone, something, and sad times.

Was woken by the most wonderful dawn chorus at 4.30 a.m. Sounded wonderful. It looks really great outside; cloudy, but the sun is fighting to burst through, giving the room a warm glow despite the darkness. I like it. To think that this time last week we had just made it back home after our IMAX adventure – want to go and see Into Darkness again and re – experience the magic of IMAX, it’s amazing! Quite an undertaking; now I’m thinking about the Batman Trilogy in one sitting – but I might be up to the challenge! Might not really be worth the money, though.

So, we have two scripts upon which to base our first short film! Getting excited now! Have to step up the educational research volumes and learn about all things film ASAP so I can get this show on the road, yeah!

Funny. I was lying in bed, woke up quite relaxed, but as the morning went on, I became more and more anxious. I don’t remember what I was thinking about – probably the usual – “what am I actually doing with my life” type stuff, but it’s sad. I was able, at a time, to lie back and ignore my fundamental anxiety, lack of fulfilment, whatever. What I will say though, is that, for the most part, I feel fulfilled, in the sense that I know that I’m travelling towards a place I know that I want to end up at now. I’m not entirely sure of what the place actually is, but I know I’m going in the right direction.

Wonder if my eyes have improved at all. I’ve been persistently working to train them to get working again – by taking my glasses off (like now, as I write), and forcing them to work – wonder if it’s actually made any difference. We’ll see.

Dreams. One dream was strange – this is obviously because we watched Kill Bill Vol.2 last night – but I had a dream that I was stuck, hanging out with this weird guy – similar to the Michael Madsen character in his appearance. He wasn’t a violent psycho, but in the dream, I felt a strange combination of affectionate regard and fear towards this person. He was consistently nice the whole way through, as far as I can remember, but I was a bit freaked out. A bit concerned. I don’t actually remember the events of the dream, specifically, though. I don’t actually remember the events of the dream, though. In another dream, I was dancing in the bathroom of our old house – which had a [can’t read my handwriting here!]. The floorboards were painted white. I don’t seem to have much other detail, except, I had time for one song before everyone arrived, so there was a sense that it was my last dance and it had to be a good one.

Grr. I’m feeling a bit strange! Things are circulating that I don’t want to be circulating. Something in the cycle seems to have shifted and I’m worrying about things again. I don’t like it, at all. Things feel tense – not sure why. I suppose the cyclical nature of things just means that I should accept what’s happening and not worry about it too much. Everything will work out just fine. Right? Urgh. I need to get it together. I’m feeling this wave coming over me; just have to ride it. Yeah. It’s all good. This morning I need to get lots done before my friend comes over at 11; get some writing done, then cram in breakfast. Yeah!

Today. My Favourite Day. Woop!

  

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