Tues Jun 11th 2013

7.41 a.m.

Woke up with that John Farnham song in my head this morning, but that’s not surprising considering I listened to it at least ten times last night! Love that song. Can’t beat a proper power ballad to kick the blues!

Had a dream about the lottery. Mum and Harj were checking their tickets and got really excited because they got 2 numbers – 1 and 61. 61 isn’t even possible, in the real world. Anyway, they were expounding on the merits of sticking to the same numbers every time – I agreed with their policy. Made me wake up believing that today would be a good day to get a ticket. Might do. Why not, eh?

Now have the Pulp Fiction music in my head. Wonder what my best friend made of it last night. I’ve never found it as entertaining as I did the other day; I’ve always loved it and marvelled at it’s style as a piece of film – making, but it’s until you REALLY pay attention to Tarantino’s work that you see how inventive he is, how unafraid he is to experiment with style and ideas that he loves and believes in. That, I definitely respect.

How does one deal with a depression? A funk? It’s difficult, when you want to be someone’s saviour but you know that you never can or will be. This is not a bad truth – it’s a human truth, we are all on our own journeys, and must work in our own way, and on our own inclination towards making ourselves better. To work with the maladies that we have, accept them, and overcome them through this fundamental acceptance. It’s difficult to step back though, because the fear grips you when you do. Will I end up stepping too far back and no longer be able to touch? Will I step back so far that I am no longer in the process of stepping back, having simply turned my back in a time of need? Indecision is crippling. The worst of all things. Faith is something I am learning the importance of. I think this is my current lesson. That you do need to have a blind faith, sometimes. A blind faith that what you feel, is right. This, I suppose, translates to a sense that it is your trust in the self is what is needed. More than anything else. That feels like a key lesson. Also, it’s a hopeful one; once you believe in yourself, you are unstoppable. You become bigger than your obstacles. Obstacles cease to exist in those terms – they become landmarks along the way rather than things to be feared.

This morning I feel good and full of positive thoughts. Initially I work with a lethargy; a sense of “I don’t want to do ANYTHING today” but have successfully talked myself out of it. Knowing that you are better than your own negative patterns is hopeful and wonderful – if you really believe in your own self – worth, you can do anything.

First things first, though. Breakfast. Excitement!


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