Weds Jun 12th 2013

8.20 a.m.

I AM SLEEPY! I’m writing this with barely open eyes; perhaps upping the intensity of my workout is causing this sharp increase in needed sleep. Who knows. It’s difficult to tell, but it feels good to feel like I need loads of sleep. I notice a slight tendency towards waking up in the morning and allowing a negative voice to tell me that I don’t want to do anything – it plays out how difficult things will be rather than rehearsing stuff in a positive way. It’s good to notice this early. Can’t imagine what’s caused this shift, but it’s good to notice it so that I can cancel the negative pattern out and make sure that I don’t defeat myself before the day has even begun.

Dreams. I definitely had one in my head but it’s now faded out of all memory, dammit! Bugger.

Yesterday was good. Felt that being out and about was positive, and really enjoyed the afternoon and dinner with Billy was lovely. It felt good to engage him on the film project – he showed real enthusiasm for it, shared cool ideas and got me into a really good mood. Really keen to get started on the project – lots of work to be done to make sure it looks good, but let’s see how things progress over the next few weeks. If we cast Boris that’d be really good, as it’ll mean a project that is basically a cast and crew of people that we know and are close to, which would make this learn-as-we-go vibe a bit easier to deal with. Part of me is really against introducing an unknown element at this stage; we are already testing ourselves as a team, so probably wise to see how we do as a unit and modify from that, rather than having too much madness from the outset.

Feels good to be back on track and setting aims again. For a while there, I was struggling to really believe in what I was doing or what I wanted, but that has shifted somewhat and I seem to have developed a self reliance and confidence in my goals and the realisation of them which feels GOOD! Self-criticising and self doubting is an entirely awful use of precious energy, it’s true. No greater waste, except maybe that energy expended on resentment, perhaps.

Man, I’m tired today! Lots to do, positive I can get it all done. Looking forward to ticking all that stuff off the list and continuing to move towards all the cool stuff I want to get to, yeah!

First stop; breakfast. Oh yes.

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