Fri Jun 21st 2013

8 a.m.

Haha. Set my alarm for 5.30 today with the aim of working out first thing – did it yesterday and it felt so good to do it I thought I’d hit a winner. Alas, I hit the “Dismiss” button rather than “Snooze” and ended up sleeping through. Oops. Oh well, never mind, no point worrying about it now – the day lies ahead, yeah!

I have some vague dream fragments in my head. One, a group, discussing modern theatre / film. All I really remember is a staunch defence of the policy of focusing on contemporary work; that looking at old stuff is silly, or something. Bit dumb. Oh no, it was more than being snooty about new stuff is dumb and they wouldn’t be insulted for looking at and dismissing old stuff because they didn’t think they deserved it. Something like that. Confusing! Don’t quite remember fully. Another dream involved Leona, something about meeting people and not knowing that she was who she was, or something, but I can’t quite remember.

Can’t believe how much of a difference it made yesterday not having as much tea and not having sugar. Ridiculous! Will stick to the non-sugar in tea policy though. Have Alpha Beta Gaga by Air in my head this morning – I actually woke up with “Jesus” by The Velvet Underground in my head, and now I’m thinking about The Velvet Underground and have “Candy Says” playing in my brain. Love how  the brain just goes on it’s own mad associative journey sometimes.

Have woken up feeling kind of sad. Don’t know why. As of late, I’ve been waking up feeling pretty good in myself – getting stuff done, maintained a really positive attitude and outlook – but last night, for some inexplicable reason, I started to feel a bit sad. Absolutely nothing to do with my domestic situation, at least not on the surface of it. Things are good at home. It’s more of a self-esteem thing, I think. Perhaps I need to look at my goals and refocus them – that’d be the first step, I think. I don’t really control or understand what gets me to this place at this point. I clearly also mustn’t get complacent about working on my self – perception – I’ve only woken up with this feeling because I don’t have the unshakeable self – esteem that comes with a well – defined, well – developed sense of purpose and self – image. This could be because I wanted to have some stuff done that I haven’t done yet. The pilot is still in draft. I need to get the storyboards done. I need to stop procrastinating about my PT qualification. Why am I procrastinating at this point? It’s confusing. In any case, whatever I’m doing today isn’t working so far, so I just need to make sure that I deal with it as soon as possible and don’t let it become something that passively becomes a dominant force in the way that I spend my time today. That wouldn’t help. Just need to get on and do stuff, and it’ll pale into insignificance.

Right. On with the day. Doing stuff will help this feeling. Crying it out now. Healthier than holding it in I suppose. Yep.

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