Weds Jun 26th 2013

7.40 a.m.

Could have slept for a thousand years! That’s how it felt, anyway.. A bit of a sensitive response to an email I received this morning. Actually, thinking about it, it’s absolutely fine and nothing to be even slightly upset about; my mind currently seems to be in self – destruct mode because I woke up and started thinking negatively about how I couldn’t be bothered to do anything today. One has to wonder what the point of that could possibly be; it’s entirely unhelpful to let yourself think that way! In any case, the good thing is that I recognise that, and understand that it’s not clever to allow those things to take hold and be any kind of dominant force in your thinking at the dawn of the gift of a new day to live and experience life. If you have these kinds of thoughts, it’s best to switch them off as soon as possible, divert them to a different route that will end at a positive destination, because there is nothing to be gained from going down that path and seeing it through to completion. There are better things to expend your valuable energy on.

Herbal tea just popped into my head. Now that I’m a non – sugar Tea drinker, herbal tea seems rather appealing, especially tea involving ginger. I might actually look up how to make smoothies with ginger in them – the Ginger Temple smoothie I had at Balans the other day was nothing short of amazing. It feels good to know that I’m not overloading my system with sugar, really it does; and I don’t miss it. I think I’ve always known that the amount I had was unhealthy and because I’m developing a better respect for myself and for my body, I want to make the right choices because there is no argument against them. It’s satisfying to see my log for the day and see that I’m nowhere near to the maximum sugar intake for the day when the pattern of my daily nutritional intake has generally been, over the last year, a severe over-consumption of the bad white stuff. This will help my system to regulate itself mega – effectively.

Yesterday was educational. I didn’t feel like doing my workout at all; in fact, I didn’t feel like doing any of the usual things, so I cooked dinner instead. Then, as I got close to the end of cooking, I really WANTED to work out, and got down to it! I’m starting to think that once you have an innate discipline – a trust that the Big Person within you will win over the Little Person, a rigid routine isn’t so necessary because that discipline is within you. You can listen to your brain telling you what is right at every given moment and trust that it will tell you good things. Always thought I was a good listener; turns out I’m not so good at listening to the messages I’m sending myself, often. Getting better though. Yesterday helped to show me that.

Looking forward to a few days of slobbing out in Nottingham next weekend. And then, slobbing out for a few more days at home. I’ll feel like I’ve earned it – I’ll have finished another fitness regime, be well on the way to completing my L2, the pilot will have been completed and submitted and we will have a completed schedule for the film. It’ll be good to have a break and recharge the brain batteries.

Had some trippy dreams. I remember some weird guy who ran a shop, one of these second hand electrical shops, looking for someone to work for him. A necklace in a box with a label; Rivalies. A muddy path; so muddy that you felt like you were going to slip with every step. Horses. A woman who asked me whether I wanted to stay; I seemed to know her. She died, later in the dream. She had taken photos of me which I didn’t know about, and had affectionately put them into a photo album she had made of her family before dying. As though she knew it was going to happen. Lots of chit-chat.

Fragments.

Just like life.

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