Fri Jul 5th 2013

Vector Floral Ornaments (2)6.52 a.m.

Day 2 of filming today – should be fun!

Also quite possible that I’ll be wrapped fairly early on in the day as all that is left to do is a small series of montages, but let’s see. In any case, I should be prepared for a full day but it’d be mega convenient if I could get back at a decent time to pack my bags for Nottingham and get some “stuff” done.

It’s a beautiful day outside – lovely day to travel into the city and mingle with the world. In a way it’s a shame to be spending so much of it indoors, but hey, who’s complaining? It’s acting work, and that’s what I want, so I’m pleased with the way I’ll be spending my day today.

I dreamt of reconciliation yesterday. The dream I remember involved some key players and again, filming something. Interestingly in this dream, we did a take, and I fluffed my line, which really annoyed the sound guy (who will be the sound guy on this thing I’m filming today) because apparently it was the best take ever. Bizarre. I didn’t seem to feel too bad about it in the dream – just carried on for another one, which is good, as fluffing a line may happen every so often! Then, I remember Mum was busy cooking a big meal, and the house was filled with the aroma of spices and home-made delights. I was waiting for a tube with a friend at one point, I think it was Knightsbridge station (although in the dream, it looked nothing like Knightsbridge) and my friend told me about this alternate station that she had used, just outside a big building. The building was made with red brick and had a big concourse. Anyway, we were waiting for this tube and Van arrived with some of his friends – actually, we were both involved in this film project and for some bizarre reason felt the need to avoid one another (for the first bit of the dream, at least, I think it was the first bit) – I actually pretended not to see him. Then, we were upstairs in this house where Mum was cooking, and he was in one of the rooms I walked into. He asked for a hug – I obliged – and we reconciled. Then, some other people arrived, friends on both sides, and we were discussing who was going to which shop for which supply. It was a positive, warm situation, and a kind of closure for me, perhaps psychologically.

Felt SO awful yesterday. Don’t know what happened. I felt fat, useless, like a waste of space, crippled with fear. Is that how I used to live? How did I go around feeling like that ALL THE TIME? It’s ridiculous. I think it now takes less, relative, to get into a slightly hyped – up emotional state – my ability to tolerate unhappiness within has reduced, dramatically. I suppose in a way that’s a good thing, because I’m constantly admitting to myself when I’m struggling, but it does make me feel like a bit of a nut – job. I wonder how Billy really feels about it when  I get upset like that. He handles it well – with sensitivity – after all the initial shock has worn off. Not sure that this is quite what he signed up for, really, but there you go.

Anyway, positive dream, and a wonderful , snuggly morning. Now, time to kick ass for this final day of shooting. Yeah!

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