Tues Jul 9th 2013

Vector Floral Ornaments (2)8.22 a.m.

Writing this an hour or so after waking up – can be tough finding space when you’re in a family environment. I quite like it, although I find myself waiting for a big argument between parties – somehow, I’m afraid to trust in a conflict free environment. No doubt the result of years of awkward and antagonistic family situations where peace is really just the calm before the storm.

Slept very well. Have quite a few dream fragments in my brain this morning. One was about Boris & Laura’s baby – somehow, I was communicating with my best friend at the same time – but I can’t remember those all important details that would help it all make sense. Then again, do I really want it to make sense? I remember it being a bit weird in the dream, because Laura looked very pregnant and hadn’t given birth, presumably, and for some reason that was unnatural. I don’t know. Bizarre.

In another dream, I was playing tennis with Andy Murray. Haha. I’m guessing that there are a lot of people in this country experiencing a similar thing as he’s definitely a prominent figure in the collective cultural consciousness of the moment.

Another dream was really upsetting. Mum was old, and pale, and I think, staying in some kind of care home. She was convinced that the women were stealing from her, 5 pence at a time. She would flip out, and tell me that she’d discovered another 5 pence was  missing at regular intervals.. In the dream, I tried to tell her that it wasn’t anything – she responded by having a major tantrum.. It was really upsetting. The whole thing took place on Fellmore Grove. Really horrible.

I think another dream involved Van, but it’s so far removed from my memory now I can’t remember any detail at all.

This morning I found myself thinking about how hard it is to break old habits. I particularly notice it with Billy when we come to stay here – somehow, he becomes a different version of himself, and it feels harder to request that he be reasonable / accommodating. Sheer projection, of course, but it feels as though he tends to  fall back into old patterns or winding me up for his amusement. I’m writing this though, and now that I’m really thinking about it, I’m just complaining. I’m perfectly relaxed. Strange how the brain intrudes, sometimes.

Did Yoga yesterday. Was slightly dreading it, for fear that I’d lost all flexibility, but, amazingly, appear to have made progress during my break! Really enjoyed myself.

Right. Time to get on. Going for a walk today, beautiful outside again! Oh yes.

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