Sat Jul 27th 2013

Vector Floral Ornaments (2)7.45 a.m.

Wanted to write my morning notes in bed but glad I was encouraged to get up before scratching away on the page caused a relationship crisis rooted in inconsiderately disturbed sleep. The beginning of Rhapsody In Blue has just played on the radio, making me even more excited about my trip to see Manhattan on the big screen today! It’ll be good to see those beautiful shots on the big screen for some well needed inspiration, and I feel good that I’ll be fulfilling one of those small life to –do’s. Currently fighting a mental battle with myself about whether to go for a run this morning; don’t know why, but somehow one of the voices in my head is kicking back against intensive exercise at the moment. Part of me feels that I should listen, but the other part says it’s the classic procrastination of old that I haven’t fallen victim to for the last year or so and I shouldn’t fall prey to at this stage. Aw, there’s an instrumental version of Here Comes The Sun on the radio; translates quite nicely – sometimes I find instrumental versions of songs a bit cheesy but I do like this one.

Had quite a scary dream last night – when I woke up from it, it was 0.55, so it was the first dream that my subconscious formulated to process when I hit the dream phase of sleep. Interestingly, I’ve found that many of my scariest dreams have been at this kind of time. I was tied up, somehow, lashing around trying to free myself, like a mad tiger or elephant would, making all kinds of horrendous noise while people were looking down at me in this pit, laughing hysterically as I screamed in desperation. It was horrendous and scared me terribly; dreams where I’m shackled and can’t break free prey on my deepest fears.

Another dream focused on an entirely different subject; getting home from school. I think this may have been brought on by an association I made as the train pulled into West Hampstead station the other day; there is a long walkway that I see people walking through often, and it reminded me of walking all the way to school in the morning. Anyway, in the dream, I got out of school 10 minutes early and was really excited because it meant that I would get a taxi early – but as I approached the taxi, I realised that I could save myself some cash by getting on the bus and I’d definitely get a seat because I would be the first one on. The issue was that I couldn’t find the bus stand; this big field was full of parked cars and stuff and I ended up getting really lost and eventually, people began to come out in hordes to get themselves home, so the whole exercise was entirely pointless. Madness. The field was similar to one of those you’d get at Alton Towers or a theme park – if you forget where your car is, you’re in trouble. A waterslide was involved; I think it was somehow suggested that my best bet for finding the bus involved this waterslide in some way, but when I got to the waterslide, I couldn’t bring myself to jump into it. Must learn to swim. It’s entirely unnatural that I’m afraid of water! It’s something I’d really like to get sorted but  I’m crippled with fear when I allow myself to recall the smell of chlorine. Still, it’s just an association, and association can be broken and replaced with something more helpful, so there’s plenty of hope yet.

Surprised at how long it’s taking Eddy to get back with  his first batch of storyboards; but I guess I have more time to commit to the film than everyone else does. It’s strange that he hasn’t acknowledged receiving them; perhaps they didn’t send properly? Will check that today. As usual, fearful of having to nag and argue about progress on it, but am going to take deep breaths and let everyone do as they will and roll with the river. It’s not worth trying to control anyone else with this kind of thing; just see how it goes, see how committed or interested people are, and keep on top of your own behaviour and input.

My stomach is making funny noises this morning. It’ll be fun playing Poker today – it’s been ages since I’ve seen those guys and I have missed the regular gatherings. I’ll be going for a 10.30 – 11pm exit though, as we do need to be able to get home on the train and get enough sleep, ready for tomorrow. Also making good progress on my PT stuff – pleased, as it was becoming quite stressful but now that I’m actually DOING stuff, I feel much better with it. Will be making use of YouTube this morning to learn more stuff and maintain this progress trajectory.

Right. On with the day.

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