I’ve had a tough few weeks. I’ve found myself going through a raft of emotion that I haven’t experienced before, as I contemplate change of the greatest magnitude. Even if it’s just temporary change, it is life altering, whatever the duration, and over the last couple of weeks it’s all got on top of me and I’ve been feeling, as David Bowie so profoundly said, as though I’m sinking in the quicksand of my thoughts. And I ain’t got the power, anymore.
I’m shutting down. I know how this goes; I go through it every time life seems to be too much, and I can’t process everything that is happening whilst operating in the so – called “Real World” (because I really don’t know what’s real and what’s not – the concept of “real” itself has become a serious point of question and is a whole blog of it’s own!). So I’ve been sleepwalking through existence, letting my mind and body and whatever else “I” am process things. The result? I’ve been feeling down. Really down. And I’m okay with that. Because it’s just part of the process of what I’m going through, and I’d rather be honest with myself now and deal with it all, than pretend it isn’t happening and lose myself in the consequences of such events without any sense of the cause. It’s just really hard to keep on going, and moving forward, when you feel so utterly lost.
Fortunately, I have some pretty foolproof defences against the onset of the worst affliction of all; the total loss of gratitude for what is great in life. Last night, one of my strongest shields came to my rescue. One who makes me want to find the strength of spirit to smash my mirrors. Free myself of my own limitations. And reveal the whole world that is here for me to see.
I didn’t even want to lose myself in the joy of music last night. For the first time in a long time, Hendrix was played by someone else. Possibly as a way of getting me out of my funk – who knows – but even if that wasn’t the intention, it worked. Because all I want to do right now is escape from what I perceive to be the emotional pain that is Life, and Hendrix allows me to do that. In fact, it’s more than that. Hendrix takes my hand, and leads me on a journey, whether I am feeling like I want to or not. And I always come back feeling… Experienced.
Hendrix has been a source of discovery and exploration for me since I was a teenager, and somehow, the discoveries and the experiences just seem to get richer, and more vibrant. Perhaps that is because I am becoming more receptive to the music, somehow. Perhaps it’s purely my own psychological perception. Perhaps the guy had supernatural powers and is, in fact, some kind of God. I honestly don’t know. All I truly know, without any doubt, is that last night, as I jettisoned off into space with each riff, chord and lyric, I closed my eyes, and the pain that I’ve been feeling disappeared for a while. I was completely lost. Lost in the best way. I was lost in the joy of music. The joy of Cool. The joy of a waking, lyrical, guitar dream with no beginning or final destination.
Not necessarily Stoned but… Beautiful.
I’ve tried, many times, to try to explain why the music of this spaceman has such a deep, profound effect on me, and has done every time I’ve gone on a trip with him. It’s an impossible task. I’m desperate to express it, but every time I try to write it out, words just don’t seem to cut it. Perhaps it is because his music, and every element that comprises his music, is pure self expression. There’s nothing contrived, or fake about it. It’s pure, raw honesty. It’s simply the soul of a man, given as a gift to the world in the form of song. And there’s definitely no intellectualising that. All you can do with such truth is experience it, and let it flood your being. Let it become you, and allow the lines of separation that we draw between ourselves and the rest of the universe to blur until you no longer know where you end and another begins. We’re all part of the same stuff anyway, right?
I find it uplifting and hopeful that someone can be such an important part of someone else’s life, and affect them on the deepest level, even playing the role of a guardian angel, decades after they have passed from this world. It’s something that we take for granted, I think, but art is the most wonderful gift one human can give to humanity. It lives on, deeply affecting the lives of others, long after the body has given way to it’s own mortality. It can save someone from themselves, when their strength to hold on has waned. Honesty from one human to another, is the most powerful, and beautiful force. At least, I think it is. And Hendrix’s honesty thrills me, and saves me, every time I sit back, let it flood my consciousness, and go on a journey to the places that he went, once his little world had let him go.
One day I hope my little world lets me go. So I can have a dragonfly of my own, meet my own Red, and find the courage to be Bold As Love.
Thank you, Jimi.