Entry 9, June 2nd 2016 (Week 6)

Sleepy image7.53am So today’s journey has been the best of the week. There was a point this morning when I felt so queasy I thought I might not make it out of the house – fortunately I talked myself into getting some fresh air at least and I just so happened to walk to the bus stop and make my way to work. There’s so much to do to get the film done and I am determined it will be done by the time I’m back from honeymoon! Labelling the foley yesterday was a real reminder of how far we’ve come – we actually have created our own sound effects library! How cool is that? We’re like, proper film making people! Still living on a wing and a prayer, but making progress. Anyway point is, a day off to feel sorry for myself and wallow in the sickness that is an inevitability for the next couple of months wasn’t an option. I need to get those files out, those documents created, and even though I can get frustrated when I feel like there are bottlenecks in the process, I never let myself get into the position where that bottleneck is, in fact, me. That wouldn’t sit well with me AT ALL.

I looked up what size an Apple Pip grows to in Week 6, and apparently, it grows to the size of a lentil. Now, I know that no two lentils are created the same, but is a lentil bigger than an apple pip?! I found it hilarious, for some reason. The word lentil always makes me giggle. I think it’s because in my head it’s always said in a kind of Silly Voice.

Isn’t it weird that every human being grows through the process of being an egg, then an egg and sperm, then slowly becomes an Apple Pip, then a Lentil, and then whatever is next?! I find it weird that I was once a Lentil. I didn’t think I’d ever have experienced a stage of life where I could say that a Lentil & I had something in common. That’s my amazing thing for the day.

My stomach is really hurting today. I hope that isn’t a bad sign of anything. It’s so difficult – you try not to get worked up over little things – but every fluctuation could mean something so significant. Anyway, I’m hoping it’s just a simple case of normal digestive issues (again to be expected during pregnancy) and have to work hard not to get myself into a tizzy over it.

I’m nervous about my appointment today. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because it’ll make it all so real, but I can really feel how real it all is anyway. If I’m honest with myself, it’s always nerve wracking going to the doctors about anything that relates to previous health issues. I really hope they are a thing of the past and won’t affect how this pregnancy progresses. 

Sleepy! Going to drift off with some Hendrix until I make it to work. Trying to write while moving is making me feel even worse.

16.15 On my way back on the train, heading to the doc. Dying for  wee! I feel so unbelievably overfull. I did have a sandwich, I suppose – but can that really lead to this crazy, bloated feeling? It’s been so long since I ate a diet that involves the regular consumption of simple carbs that I’d completely forgotten how much havoc they wreak with my system. Ugh. Travelling is a real trial at the moment.

Much of my obsession so far in this pregnancy, I observe, is to do with food. How interesting. It’s always a bit of an obsession. When did I develop such an unhealthy relationship with it?

I would attempt to go down the road of trying to work it out, but as it stands, I’m struggling to keep my eyes open. That’s often the best time to write, I find. Loads of weird stuff comes pouring out. Odd phrases and sentences that don’t really make sense but they clearly do to the person writing them in a half spaced out state – that would be me. Hmm. Sleepy. It’s funny how when I do this on a phone there’s always the risk of an enormous (that was meant to say emoticon) appearing inappropriately.

Man, work has had the oddest atmosphere over the past few days. It’s weird how somehow, people end up bringing their shit to work in the most self entitled ways and can’t handle being called up on it. I feel bad, actually, because it’s become a bit territorial, but if a person will alienate themselves and be negative…. It’s not the way to get attention. Anyway, the snub today made me feel better. It was proof that actually, I’m not a prize cow who wants to keep people down. Sometimes people just don’t deserve to be let off the hook for their…. Self fulfilling mess.

Ooh that was harsh. It’s being so sleepy. It really makes you truthful. And it makes you miss your stop. Not sure how I’m going to stay awake. 

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