Entry 15: June 9th, 2016 (Week 7)

ProjectorThere’s a poet playing in my ears; a very loud, crazy, and despite being a bit brash for my tastes most of the time, I totally dig him! Not an original point of view when you’re talking about Jim Morrison, but every time I listen to The Doors it’s like the first time! I love the sound that they paint of LA in the 60s. It’s all about letting yourself go, mysterious union & Spanish Caravans. And Houses Upon Hills & Blue Sundays, of course. Whenever I hear the lyrics, I’m inspired to write freely. Jim Morrison is a great example of real expression – fearless – frustrated – completely original – explosive – and somehow beyond. Totally dig!

I feel really bad about being such a scrounge with money last night. It’s weird, sometimes I get really anxious that we’ll just end up with nothing despite having incomes that are fairly regular, because I can’t bear to see history repeat itself. That’s the most damning thing of all, in my book. If you make a mistake once, that’s learning. If you make it twice… You’re not paying enough attention. Anyway, I’m determined to make up for it by making sure we have a budget aside to look after the people who are struggling so much to get to the wedding in the first place and take the strain off. I feel awful.

Oh tell me where
Your freedom lies
The streets are fields that never die
Deliver me from reasons why
You’d rather cry
I’d rather fly

I struggle to understand how I managed without The Doors until I was 20.

This tube smells. It isn’t helping my nausea much, but I’m so sick of it now that I can’t even be bothered to think about it. I know I’m slowly getting more and more worn down by it, but there’s a limit to what I can actually DO about it, so what’s the point in thinking about it or even acknowledging it? Maybe this is how repression works! Maybe I’ve got it all wrong and actually, it’s much better to do the whole “you know it’s eating away at you but you just ignore it because there’s no point” with your life in general.

No. I’m not believing that at all.

Goodfellas on the projector was amazing last night! I haven’t watched it in a couple of years, and although I’ve always considered it to be something of a game changer in film, I’ve never been as viscerally affected by it as I was last night. I’m sure having a cinema set up in our bedroom had something to do with it – but I also appreciate the details of film so much more now. The basic things; the effectiveness of using the sound of a car zooming across the street to punctuate the credits zooming across a black screen to place you right into the fumes of New York City. The meticulous planning that would go into shooting a shot that zooms into a characters face that then abruptly cuts to the performance of some brutal crime. The genius of forcing you to laugh at morally reprehensible characters because the actor has found the twinkle that the character uses to charm their way through the dangerous landscape that they tread & expand. It’s all detail. And those details…. Create magic.

It’s cold today.

And it’s time to get off the train. Do I stick to The Doors or switch for the walk? Questions, questions!



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