Tuesday April 11th, 2017 (Week 10, Day 4)

Sleepy image7.44am

I wonder when Baby will wake up. Huzzah for the Snugglbundl, which gave us a full 4 hours on our own in bed. Obviously this meant that we simply conked out, enjoying the relative ocean like space until 3am when we were awoken by the sound of wind being expelled and a giant poo. I think she suffered more than we did, though. She seemed to be having an incredible rest up to that point.

Anyway, yesterday was good. It was good to talk things over – it’s frustrating being in such a vulnerable position financially at this stage – the timing is rubbish, and I am finding it hard to deal with the reality of not really having a career enhancing space to jump back into. Essentially, when I go back, I’ll be starting again. A scary prospect at this point, but hey, I always need a challenge. I know I could go back to the Rat Race, get a job fairly quickly and start earning money, if it really came to the crunch, so I suppose I’m okay really, but now.. I somehow feel disempowered. There isn’t a great deal I can do with a newborn baby, at least, not without some really creative thinking. Time to get my thinking cap on and really start planning for the future, building contingency inside contingency, and ensure self sufficiency because the whole teamwork thing hasn’t worked out for me. There’s a part of me that likes to feel like I have complete control, and I am feeling uncomfortable not having that autonomy at this stage. Who knows that the future holds, but I have a lot to think about, decisions to make, and a focus to develop. Somehow my goals have been sublimated, so I just need to do a few sanity checks and make sure they haven’t merged into a different vision of the future. If they have and they suit me, great! But I need to make sure I refocus. Things have blurred my vision.

Yesterday I tried to write, but I couldn’t because she was in the sling and it really isn’t a great position for handwriting on the sofa. The good news is that we now have a dining table –woop! It has solid, supportive chairs which I may well use for my back for a while. I hate feeling creaky – my back and hips hurt every morning and I need to fix them. I’m not going to allow that to spiral to a point where I’m totally misaligned and can’t get back without massive hard work.

Argh. My neck and shoulders feel so tense. My tummy is all squidgy! I’m not used to it. Never mind, with enough hard work I’m sure I’ll be able to get back. Get Back…Get Back.. Get Back to where you once belong.. (Get Back JoJo.)

Going to keep this short as Bro is here and I feel bad for not going to hang out while B is asleep. It’s awesome hanging out with her of course, but it’d be good to have a few minutes to check in with him about how he’s actually doing, knowing that he will have a bit of space to reply without a little gremlin Babe dominating the scene with her cuteness!

Okay. On with Today.. My Favourite Day!



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